Eden got a 2 hour trail ride for Christmas from my sister. She spent a few weeks picking out her cowgirl shirt and boots. I wasn't sure what to expect and thought it would be an adventure. And it did not dissapoint.
Eden was on a huge horse. This ain't your grandads pony ride. Inserting picture just to prove my point.
She was set on the horse and off we went. 6 in our group with one guide up front. I started to feel a bit nervous. Partly because I don't know much about horses, and felt out of control, and mostly because I had no idea how to keep her safe. Nobody walked with her, or held her horse, or her. She was all alone, on this....beast of a horse.. Conan. Inserting another picture to prove that. (and, she has her eyes closed and its blurry, but I will make a point soon)
Many times, the horses decided to do their own thing and snack or drink water, or trot, or go their own way. I was behind her on my own horse praying the whole way. She did so good, and was so brave. I was not. My gut was in knots and I feel like this was the first time in my parenting journey I felt this scared. This is a big horse, and she can barely keep her 42 pound bum in the seat. Then, Conan decides to go over to some green patch of grass away from the group. She is trying to steer him back and she lets go of the reins. Now Conan takes his chance to snack. There is no way she can reach the reins. She is too short and little. And now away from the group. And starting to panic. So am I.
She keeps her calm for a few minutes while my sister and her wild horse try to help out. Conan is too smart for that. Eden starts crying and calling out for me. I turn back to help her, but let go of my own horses reins. Oh great. My horse is now snacking. I have to dismount, grab the reins, and try to get back on. And hope the horse doesn't run away or I don't fall off the cliff he is snacking on. I am about to loose my mind. Eden is still crying, along ways away from me, and I am dying. I realize that I can do nothing to help. Eventually the problem is resolved and Eden keeps on going. She sucks it up and stays the course. She is brave. I am so proud. And still scared. About 30 minutes later we run into snow. Its cold, then it starts sleeting and its really cold. Again, my stomach is in knots. I can't help her stay warm. I can't help her be brave. I can't help her have fun. I have to let go. Again, terrible photo, and blurry, but I was frozen, in tears, trotting, and doing my best. I have had to let go of the idea that my blog will be full of perfect photos.
I had a moment this weekend. My little girl is growing up. I have to start letting go, a little at a time. Next year she will go to school everyday of the week. And then all too soon, she will be on her way out of the house. I can't imagine what that will feel like.
My client must have some of these same helpless but proud moments. Her oldest is preparing to leave the nest. Not on horseback, but out of state to college.
alone. scared. ready to prove herself.
All us moms can do is pray that our little girls are humble, honest, hardworking, and never forget we love them. And we hope they get back on the horse when they fall. That if they let go of the reins, they won't give up.
as they try out their wings and fly
p.s.- "mom, my butt cheeks really hurt this morning." - eden age 6